Party of Five

I remember the geneticist giving us three pieces of advice.              Try to keep your marriage safe.              Don’t google anything about this tonight.              Have another baby as soon as you can. For now, let’s just focus on advice…

Literal Meltdown

To Whom It May Concern at the Sugar-Free Popsicle Company, Please make more purple popsicles. Your box has a lovely picture showing three vibrant popsicles: blue, red, and purple. My little one has learned to say the world purple. She proudly and slowly states, “I want pur-ple”. This has taken six months to learn with the…

Dear Woman at the Grocery Store

Dear woman at the grocery store, Yes, I see you acknowledging my child, sucking on a pink lollypop at 7am, watching Yo Gabba Gabba on her ipad. I see you trying not to give me the “Mommy judgmental eyes” but instead make it look like you are smiling at how cute her pajama bottoms are,…

To Leah on her 33rd Birthday

On my fourteenth birthday I got a new cash register. On my twenty-first birthday I procured a mug and a balloon on the sly.  On my thirty-first birthday, my delicious niece was born. On my thirty-third birthday, my daughter decided to surprise us. My child speaks in the outline of words. Her words usually break down…

Speak what we feel

During my sophomore year Shakespeare class, I spilled coffee all over everyone. And I don’t even drink coffee. But there it was- scalding liquid on my crotch in the middle of a lecture on Coriolanus. I am confident that this is the only memory my classmates would recall about me from this lecture of two…