Dear Beyonce,

Hey Bey! My news feed told me you were having twins. I almost thought of announcing my pregnancy the exact same way, but I was having trouble getting the veil draped over my head, so instead my husband and I just posted a “hey we’re getting two new roommates in April” announcement to Facebook and my 143 friends (mostly former students) hit like. But it’s totally almost exactly like what you did.

So, I imagine you are all having some questions about what it is like to have twins. I thought I could give you some advice.

The Pregnancy Phase

I too was pregnant with my twins after already having an older child. I also was balancing a full time job. Some would say that reading one hundred 9th grade papers on Romeo and Juliet is similar to performing at the Super Bowl, as they both require a lot of mental focus – so I don’t have to tell you that you really need to take care of yourself and prioritize what you can during this time. Spending some quality time with your daughter will also really help her feel connected to you before her siblings come.

 

The Exhaustion Phase

The babies really suck out all of the energy you have. Also, you have now basically tripled your hormones. You have Sasha Fierce. I call my alter ego, Patty. Mostly she just wants cheeseburgers and will yell at you if you chew too loudly near her, but if you feed her Snickers bars, she seems to calm down just fine.

Also, it’s really hard to get sleep during this phase because you are still chasing around your older child, but put your feet up when you can and just watch Gilmore Girls like the rest of us.

 

The Delivery

If you want to call me directly Queen B, I can give you the gritty details. But here’s the long and short of it -it is crazy to have two humans come out of you. Mine were twenty minutes apart and I got a lot of high fives and the promise of a snack pack if I worked hard enough. I’m sure if you ask, they would give you one too.

 

The First Year

If you follow this script, you will answer every question in the first year:

  1. Yes, they are twins.
  2. No, they are not identical. Sure, that one could look more Jewish.
  3. Yes, I am nursing. No, I will not show you how I do it in tandem.
  4. Why yes, I do have my hands full.

 

So Ms. Knowles, welcome to the multiples club. There is an organization for us if you have $50.00 to spare, you can go to their annual picnic or clothing drive.   It is an incredible adventure raising twins and I wish you nothing but the best.

Oh, and my mom came to stay with us for a month after they were born. If you need some extra help, I’m sure you could call Mona. She makes great crock pot dishes.

Sincerely,

Leah

P.S. My husband says “Hey”. You ran into him outside of a Bloomingdales on 5th Avenue in 2006. You Texans got to stick together.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Dear Beyonce,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s